Kimberley Nixon thought it would hurt her baby

A Welsh actress has described how obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) after giving birth made her fear she was a danger to her baby.

Kimberley Nixon, the star of Channel 4 sitcom Fresh Meat, said natural concerns for her baby’s welfare turned into deep anxiety.

OCD it is a mental health condition where a person has obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors.

“I was just convinced that I didn’t do things right. I didn’t feed it right. What temperature should it be?” she said.

“Every time he would cry, I would just shake – I became really super vigilant and terrified.”

Kimberley was eventually diagnosed with perinatal OCD, which is when you have OCD during pregnancy or in the first year after giving birth.

However, before the diagnosis, she said that whenever she looked for help online, all the advice was about “baby blues and feeling sad”.

“I didn’t feel sad, I was scared,” he said.

The Pontypridd actress, who has also appeared in the films Wild Child and Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging, had IVF to conceive her much-desired son.

It came during the pandemic in 2020 and, after a traumatic birth, Kimberly soon began to have disturbing thoughts that she could accidentally hurt herself.

“Those thoughts – it was like what could happen to him? How can I protect him? – They changed into what if you are a danger to your child?” she told Radio Wales” Books that made me with Lucy Owen.

“What if you’re so tired that you drop it or what if you snap out of it and become a completely different person?

“Now objectively, I can see that it wouldn’t have happened, but you can get really bad at it like I did.

“You don’t know what’s real anymore and you don’t trust yourself.

“And so this child, who I loved so much, who was finally here, I was afraid to approach because I didn’t want anything bad to happen to him.”

Perinatal OCD is when you have OCD during pregnancy or in the year after giving birth.

You may also experience the disorder called postpartum OCD.

Often, but not always, it revolves around the significant fear of harm coming to your child, with concerns often focused on accidentally or deliberately harming your child.

U NHS says “It is important to note that this is completely normal and very common to occasionally experience these concerns.”

Simon Jones, from Mind Cymru, said it is “normal” to be concerned about your child’s welfare, and to want to protect your child.

“If you start experiencing obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors that affect your daily life and well-being, you may have perinatal OCD,” she added.

“Obsessions and compulsions are probably related to the feelings of being a parent and your child.”

The National Childbirth Trust says that during pregnancy, the rate of OCD can be as high as 5% and postnatally 9%, with similar rates of OCD in men and women.

Kimberley said she had never heard of perinatal OCD until she was diagnosed.

“I got really sick after he was born, but I didn’t quite tick any postnatal depression boxes,” she said.

“And what scares you, when you are not the type to control in a diagnosis, and no one seemed to know what to do with me.

“OCD for me was very clean and I liked things in a certain way – I’m one of the messiest people I know, I drove my husband crazy, I didn’t do any OCD compulsions.

“All my compulsions were mental. So they were really invisible and really hard to read, hard to pick up.”

Mr. Jones explained: “OCD has two main parts: obsessions and compulsions. Obsessions are unwanted thoughts, feelings, images, impulses, worries or doubts that keep coming into your mind.

“Compulsions are repetitive things you do to reduce anxiety or uncertainty caused by obsessions.”

He said there remains a stigma around perinatal mental health issues, but Mind Cymru encourages anyone who thinks they may be affected to seek support.

“It can be difficult to open up and talk to someone about your obsessions or compulsions, which can lead to the condition being undiagnosed and lead to feelings of isolation.”

Kimberley has more than a quarter of a million followers on Instagram and has been sharing her mental health journey on the social media platform to raise awareness of the condition.

“I started to be very honest about my condition, while I was still very bad with postnatal mental illness,” she said.

“In the last three years, I have had thousands and thousands of messages. And from everyone – men, women, new mothers with two weeks.”

She said she decided, while she was at her lowest point and wasn’t able to find someone to relate to online, that she wanted to be there for people going through similar experiences in the future.

Kimberley is now on her own and loves spending time with her baby.

“I have this incredible relationship with my son, which I was so worried about that I never had,” he said.

“So I really want people to know that you can, and it will get better, and that it can really make your relationship with your child even more special.”